All human relationships have a transactional element. Imagine you are deciding between going out to dinner with two friends whose company you enjoy equally. If one is well connected and might help you get a job or establish social connections down the line, you are likely to prioritize maintaining that relationship.
Whose emails and texts you respond to and how quickly, who you decide to do a favor for, who you provide advice to in a difficult moment rather than ignoring, all are determined by such factors. Genuine warmth, benevolence, the assessment of people’s characters, and interpersonal connections all play a role in relationships. But the transactional element is always there. Moreover, the genuine and transactional elements of relationships usually cannot easily be separated. A man will “fall in love” with a pretty woman but then lose interest when he has other options. We convince ourselves that those who can help us are good people, while others we want to ignore due to their low status have character flaws.
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